Embarrassment

Nothing new today. Been to Surgical Audit meeting at 7 a.m. and I didn't find that any good at all. Today, the meeting lasted for half hour. Seriously, nothing interesting! How I wished I didn't skip the lecture today. It might be better than the audit meeting, i reckon.

Anyway, I saw Costa this morning doing his routine ward-round with the replacement registrar (ie replacing Greg). I didn't feel like saying 'hello' to him today. Hmm, wait! I don't think I've said 'hello' to him the other days... Nah, who cares! So, there I stood in the office waiting for the AGSU team to start their round. I waited and I waited. Chris told me that they're about to start their round in 10 minutes but after 10 mins waiting, they were still in the office. Costa was still there doing his round but I realized that Yasir was not there! Aha! Where's the resident? He's not here. But, I still didn't go out of the office and make effort to say 'hello' to my SUPERVISOR! I'm not sure if he likes me as his student. Hmm, from my own observation, I am so far the worse student in the team. Not in terms of my dedication or anything, but with my confidence and social acceptance. Yeah, I didn't understand lots of their jokes etc.

Then, I shadowed Chris for AGSU round. We started around 830 a.m. and finished at 10.30 or so. As usual, Shanon didn't want to miss his breakfast in RNC (ie bread, bacon, lettuce tomato, mayonaise and BBQ sauce). He even asked the other registrar to buy him the sandwich while he finishes the round with us. As a medical student, shadowing the right surgeons for their rounds can mean one thing. FREE drink!! Yeay, Shanon bought me a cup of hot choc! Save me some money for drinks... :D We sat in RNC chatting nothing about medical knowledge, at all! Shanon sure likes to eat fast food. He kept talking on and on about how good McD breakfast meal was when he was in Gosford and Taree. He had 2 McD meals last Sunday for breaky and dinner! It was all about food today. I was amazed with how unhealthy doctors can be when it comes to food. I hope I won't be a non-healthy eater. InsyaAllah.

Soon, the registrars took off to ED for more patients before they went to theatre for a couple of procedures. I flew off to Radiology Department with Chris cause he wanted to show me what the interns do in JHH, especially when they're attached with the AGSU. I've learnt a few more things whilst with Chris - Tertiary survey! As Shanon said during tea time, "tertiary survey is something that you want other people to do!" I could see from his view, he would asked the residents to do it. They're quite lucky to have Chris as their residents. I think. He's really quick! Even walk fast (yeah, maybe because he's tall plus long legs). He talked like a machine too, but he's nice and taught me a lot of practical stuff. After spending some time with Chris, I went to see a patient for my case presentation tommorrow.

I wanted to see this patient yesterday, but he was sleeping soundly and I didn't want to wake him up. Mr. LM, a 77 yo man recently diagnosed with pancreatic carcinoma and had a procedure for pancreatic resection. However, the resection could not be done due to metastatic of tumour to the portal vein. Today, it is Day 7 post operative and his recovery from the procedure was uneventful. The wound was healing well without any signs of infection. He has been mobilising and not in great pain. Although, complaint about pain after the operation, it was managable with medications. His abdomen was soft, tender on Right iliac fossa region and not distended. Legs were non-tender and not swollen. Chest was clear, no crackles no murmur. Heart sound dual, no murmur. His mood has been OK, denied any depressive period. My recommendation for Mr. LM: D/C tommorrow with inpatient stay summary and F/U in clinic with the operating surgeon.

Hoping to present my case to Costa, I went to LMPH for another clinic session. This should be my 7th session. Most of the general clinic that I've attended were with Costa. I've once to Gani's and twice to Venessa's. However, I was running late for the clinic today but who cares! To be honest, I was feeling 'flat' today because I didn't get enough sleep or a quality sleep last night. I woke up in the middle of the night as I couldn't breath. Not just once, but twice! With an extremely sleepy head, I went to clinic and sat in with Sharon, the nurse for a couple of hours. Didn't see much interesting patients today. So, I spent most of my time there drawing and sketching on my piece of paper. I was still hoping to be able to present my case to Costa today but I was really tired and drowsy. Around 330 p.m., Shae came into the nurse's room. She wanted to swap room which means I go with Costa, she stays with the nurse. At this point, I didn't feel like staying until he finishes his clinic. I just want to go home and eat!

There, I go sitting in his room while he talked with patients. I sat there and listened. He was a bit busy today and didn't get to teach a lot of stuff. But, it's OK. I didn't mind. At one point, I started drawing on my piece of paper while he was doing the consultation. I'm not sure if he saw me doing my own things when he talked to me, explaining stuff about the patient we just saw. So, feeling guilty, I stopped drawing and tried really hard to concentrate.

"Focus! Focus! Don't draw! Don't!" I tried to convinced myself. I managed to keep myself awake until 515 p.m. At this point, I am really drowsy and hungry. I felt that I could fall asleep even while sitting. There! Finally! I dozzed off for a few seconds while Costa was listening to the patient! I didn't know what to do, cause I think Costa saw me dozzing off! There goes my chance to present my case to him today. Surely, I can't do that now since he saw me sleeping in the clinic. Soon after he recorded the letters to other doctors, he looked at me and asked me to go home!!

"Well, yeah. You can go home now. I mean, it's pretty boring here and there's nothing interesting." Costa said. This made me feel guilty and embarrassed! That is Costa Karihaloo we're talking about! He's my supervisor! What have I done?? Do you think he will give any comments on my sleeping habit during clinic?? I hope he won't! Finger-cross! Hope he knows that I am really interested of becoming a surgeon! I am hoping and praying!

That's the highlight of my day! Embarrassment of being caught sleeping in clinic! Should never do that again! Especially not while in Gani's room.... you know what I'm saying?? ;)

Hari-Hariku. (Siri 1)

Hari-hariku. (Siri 1)
(ﻤﺭﻟﻴﻨﺎ ﺴﺭﻜﺎﻭﻱ)

Suara Madam Aishah semakin tenggelam. Mataku terpejam lagi. Kali ini, aku benar-benar telah tertewas. Sudah berkali-kali aku menguap, masih cuba bertahan. Aku akhirnya hanyut dibuai mimpi di dalam kelas Bahasa Inggeris.

Bahasa Inggeris bukanlah matapelajaran yang kugemari. Tidak pula aku membencinya. Tapi, kelopak mataku selalu kalah dari terus terjaga. Kadang-kadang, aku merasa kasihan dengan Madam Aishah kerana mendapat seorang pelajar sepertiku. Mungkin fikirnya aku tidak berminat.

Tiba-tiba, kudengar namaku dipanggil seseorang. Macam kenal suara ni, bisik hatiku lalu kubukakan mata dan menoleh ke arah suara itu. Alangkah malunya aku, Madam Aishah memandangku sambil tersenyum.

“Yes, Harni. What’s your answer for Question 5?” Tanya Madam Aishah, masih lagi tersenyum memandangku.

Aku bertambah gelabah. Soalan mana pulak ni, rungut hatiku. Ternyata, hari ini bukanlah hari yang baik buatku.

“Er, I’m soo.. soo.. sorry madam. I’m no.. not sure which question you’re referring to,” jawabku tergagap-gagap, mengharapkan simpati. Seisi kelas memandangku dengan tawa yang tertahan. Terasa seluruh wajahku merona merah. Malu!

“It’s ok, then.” Jawabnya pendek dan tersenyum paksa.

Langsung, Madam Aishah meneruskan pelajaran dengan jawapan soalan 5 tersebut. Aku pula rasa serba-salah. Risau, jika guruku itu terkecil hati atau marah dengan sikapku yang kerap terlena di dalam kelasnya.

10 minit kemudian, loceng pun berbunyi menandakan waktu rehat telah tiba. Madam Aishah masih lagi bersiap-siap untuk keluar. Kuberanikan diri menghampirinya.

“Madam, I’m sorry that I fell asleep during your class,” kataku perlahan.

“It’s alright.” balasnya ringkas, sambil memandang tepat ke wajahku dengan serius.

“However..” sambungnya lagi.

Hatiku bertambah kecut. Takut dimarahi. Tapi, tanggapanku silap semata. Madam Aishah bertanya padaku seandainya aku mempunyai masalah dengan Bahasa Inggeris ataupun tidak berminat dengan kelasnya. Keputusan peperiksaanku yang lepas kurang memuaskan dan peperiksaan SPM kian hampir. Segala pertanyaan tentang persediaanku menghadapi SPM dikeluarkan. Aku terasa seperti seorang banduan yang dihujani dengan persoalan yang mahukan jawapan.

Soalan-soalan mudah ini menggugat sanubariku. Aku sendiri tidak tahu kenapa. Yang aku pasti, sikap guruku ini benar-benar menarik hatiku. Tidak seperti guru-guru lain yang aku kenali. Hanya tahu memarahi anak-anak muridnya, seolah-olah mereka digajikan untuk itu. Marah, marah dan marah!

Sehinggakan ada yang bergelar ustaz atau ustazah yang memaki dan memalukan anak didiknya di khalayak ramai. Padahal, Islam mengutamakan kita untuk memelihara maruah orang lain. Tambah mengecewakan, mereka mengajarkan Islam kepada shabab-shabab yang berpotensi untuk menegakkan kembali Islam di dunia. Tidak perlu menjatuhkan air muka anak-anak muda itu, menyebabkan mereka lari dari arah kebenaran.

Rasulullah SAW yang maksum pun menegur sahabat-sahabat dengan cara berhikmah. Bukan sekadar berpesan dengan lisan, malah mengamalkannya dalam kehidupan seharian. Mungkin ‘ustaz’ dan ‘ustazah’ itu lupa pada kecaman Allah SWT yang sangat membenci orang yang tidak melakukan apa yang mereka seru kepada orang lain untuk melakukannya.

Hampir 5 minit bersama Madam Aishah, kami pun bersurai. Fuh, leganya hati. Aku pun terus mendapatkan sahabat-sahabat karibku yang setia menantiku di luar kelas. Kami lantas ke bawah sepohon pokok, tempat biasa yang kami luangkan selama 20 minit waktu rehat.

***

“Hoi, mengelamun ke?” Suraya memanggilku, hampir menjerit.

Aku terkejut dengan sapaan Suraya lantas menoleh ke arahnya.

“Ha? Apa? Awak cakap apa tadi?” Tanyaku.

“La, mengelamun! Iskh, dah sampai mana la tadi?” sindir Suraya dengan penuh bersemangat.

Perangai Suraya yang di luar kebiasaan mencetuskan ketawa sesama kami. Setelah puas ketawa, aku lalu menceritakan kejadian di dalam kelas Bahasa Inggeris tadi dan tindak balas Madam Aishah. Sahabat-sahabatku pantas memarahiku kerana asyik tertidur di dalam kelas. Bukan sahaja kelas Bahasa Inggeris, tetapi di dalam matapelajaran yang lain juga seperti Bahasa Melayu, Biologi dan Fizik.

Sisa-sisa waktu rehat yang ada kuhabiskan dengan mendengar leteran sahabat karibku yang berlima itu. Aku hanya mengangguk bosan. Masing-masing melontarkan komen dan pendapat dengan perangaiku yang buruk itu. Ada yang mencadangkan aku tidur lebih awal pada malam hari. Ada pula yang menyarankan aku untuk duduk dengan tegak di dalam kelas dan sebagainya.

Sayang juga mereka padaku, walaupun terkadang kami bertelingkah. Ternyata, pertemuan kami beberapa tahun yang lalu adalah suatu rahmat buatku. Kami bertemu dalam kelas yang sama iaitu Tingkatan 2 Biru. Ketika itu, aku hanya mengenali Fathiyah kerana kami berasal dari kelas yang sama di Tingkatan 1 Biru. Di kelas 2 Biru itulah kami mula mengenali hati budi dan sahabat-sahabat yang lain.

Suraya, Diha, Izzati, dan Hana. Merekalah yang menghulurkan tangan persahabatan kepada kami terlebih dahulu, melihatkan aku dan Fathiyah kurang selesa bergaul dengan rakan-rakan kelas yang lain. Perkenalan kami bermula hanya dengan mengetahui nama dan asal usul, akhirnya bercambahlah bibit-bibit persahabatan yang kini sedang membuah ranum.

Siapalah aku kini tanpa mereka? Fikirku, dan aku tersenyum sendiri…

10 Wasiat Assyahid Imam Hassan Al-Banna

1. Apabila saudara mendengar azan, bangunlah bersembahyamg serta-merta walaubagaimana keadaan saudara sekalipun.

2. Bacalah al-Quran atau tatapilah ilmu, atau pergilah mendengar perkara yang baik atau berzikir, jangan sama sekali membuang masa dengan perkara yang sia-sia.

3. Berusaha sedaya-upaya untuk bertutur dalam Bahasa Arab Fush, kerana ianya salah satu syiar Islam .

4. Janganlah banyak berdebat dalam perkara sekalipun, kerana pertengkaran kosong tidak mendatangkan sebarang kebaikan.

5. Jangan banyak ketawa kerana hati yang sentiasa berhubung dengan Allah itu sentiasa tenang lagi tenteram.

6.Saudara jangan bergurau kerana umat yang berjihad sentiasa bersungguh dan serius dalam setiap perkara .

7. Jangan saudara bercakap lebih nyaring daripada kadar yang dikehendaki oleh pendengar, kerana ia menjemukan dan boleh manyakiti pendengar.

8. Jauhi daripada mengumpat peribadi orang,mengecam pertubuhan-pertubuhan, dan jangan bercakap melainkan perkara yang mendatangkan kebaikan.

9. Berkenalanlah dengan setiap rakan yang saudara temui sekalipun tidak diminta berbuat demikian kerana asas dakwah kita ialah berkasih sayang dan berkenalan.

10. Kewajipan lebih banyak daripada waktu, oleh ikut bantulah rakanmu untuk memanfaatkan waktu mereka, dan jika saudara berurusan maka singkatkanlah masa perlaksanaannya.